On-the-Job Training: Confidence

Last week, my third week at my new job, I found myself confronted with an emotion I haven't experienced in awhile: self-doubt.

Don't get me wrong, things are great. But at the beginning of last week, I learned something that made me question myself. I learned that my boss trusts and values my input and capabilities.

As a young professional embarking on her second job, this is new to me. I am not familiar with hearing someone call me an expert and tell me to do what I feel is necessary to perform my job. Apparently, part of my brain is stuck back in my internships and first job, where, more often than not, I had to get permission before putting a project into motion. Now I'm being told that I don't always have to ask, that I can move forward with my plans and ambitions.

Part of me is overjoyed about this. It is exactly what I was looking for, and knowing that I have support in executing my ideas is a great feeling. But another part of me is questioning my knowledge and capabilities. I'm finding myself wondering if I should ask more or less questions, and I worry about what will happen when something goes wrong or doesn't turn out as planned.

I have yet to receive a flash of understanding as to why I'm feeling like this, but I reached out to a friend and valued mentor because I felt the need to express my fears to someone who would understand. Her simple, yet oddly comforting response was that everyone asks questions and has to learn. I've been repeating that to myself these last few days, and I'm reminding myself that even though I finished my formal schooling almost two years ago, this is a field where I will always be learning new things, about myself and the industry. That's part of what drew me to it in the first place. I don't want to be overly confident in my behavior, but I certainly need to put the doubt away--it's not what got me here, and it certainly won't get me very far in the future.